Elements of a Christian Friendship

What goes into a friendship and how do Christian friendships differ?

When we are young who we are changes constantly and with that our friends change as well. For both halves of Gwemily, we have had many different friends come in and out of our lives. We’ve both been in different circles of friends and have had many friends we considered our best friend. As we continue to grow as people and as Christians, we have begun realizing that some friendships are much deeper than those we’ve had before.

There’s an old poem about friendship that goes something like this, “There are friends for a reason, friends for a season and friends for a lifetime.” Some friends find you on your journey to fulfill a specific need. Others walk with you on your journey for a certain time period, and it seems most friends fall into this category. However, every so often someone walks into your life, stands by your side and sticks with it for the long haul. These are friends for a lifetime. These kinds are few and far between but when you do happen upon one, cherish them for they are true gems. Treat these friendships like gold. The connection with these friends seems strong and east but the friendship still requires work. As Christians I think the biggest blessing is a strong Christian ‘friend for a lifetime’

We believe this is the type of friendship that Gwemily has. It takes a mix of fun, junk food and inside jokes as well as honesty, accountability, transparency and forgivness. We’ve reflected on our friendship and other Christian friendships and found 4 common elements among these friendships in order for it to be beneficial to both individuals and honoring to God.

1)     Honesty / trust
      For us honesty and trust are HUGE.  However, they’re probably the hardest to achieve. It takes honesty to trust someone, but it takes a level of trust to be honest. To be honest with one another is to share with one another what you feel necessary and helpful, no matter how you feel the other may respond. You will never have a strong friendship if your friend cannot trust you. They need to know that no matter what they do, what you say, you will keep what you say confidential. As a friendship grows you begin to feel a sense of security within your conversations and interactions—this is trust building.  

2)     Accountability

Accountability could be anything from helping your friend show up to class on time to helping them be in the Word and keep God as their focus. This one runs a fine line between being a friend and being a mom. As you build trust and honesty with each other accountability comes easier.  Accountability is necessary in Christian friendships that desire to seek God and honor him, if accountability comes from a place of both honesty and love your relationship will benefit from it.

3)     Support

It’s easy to show up and be a good friend when life runs smoothly, it’s necessary to show up for your friend when life throws them a curve ball. One awesome thing about our friendship is we know when one person says, “I need to talk.” The other one shows up and listens. Whether showing support means showing up to their house with ice cream and an open ear, cancelling plans, or listening to them vent for 3 hours on the phone. Even four hours apart we make it a point to always support the other in their time of need.

4)     Connection

No friendship can thrive without being intentional about staying connected. We’re both currently attending different schools so it takes an intentional effort to take time out of our schedules to talk regularly. We make it a point to check in whether it be through text or phone calls just to stay connected in one another’s lives.

All of these things take time, energy and sometimes you fail at them. That's part of being human and part of being a Christian. Apologize when you should and forgive accordingly.